Would You Introduce Me?

The last time I was out "kicking" it with some of my frat brothers, we decided to hit one of the premiere social spots in the city. After arguing with the valet about not parking the cars in a deserted alley, but somewhere well lit, we pushed through the crowd and made our way inside. One of my college friends was working the door. It was good to see her; it had been almost 5 years. After a brief exchange of new phone numbers we finally made it inside. One of my bruhs said to me, "Jay, who was she...would you introduce me"?

At some point or another, we've all played the proverbial role of matchmaker. We've introduced, hooked-up, and even vouched for our friends for the likes of someone we knew. And the strength of our word was enough to get them the phone number or even a first date. But, do we realize that the success or failure of that introduction falls on us. And for days, weeks, and months we have to hear "what a great connect or what a horrible hookup". The truth of the matter is, none of us is the chemistry to another persons relationship. And so, you really don't know if it would work or fail. The safest thing you can do is support your friend in their decision to introduce themselves or watch them sheepishly walk away wishing they could say hello. Nothing wrong with saying I'd like you to meet a friend of mine, but after that, allow chemistry or the lack there of to take its own course. No reason for all the pressure to be on you...

The Best Resume

We spend so much time editing and re-editing this important document that many of us send blindly across the global network. We fix it up to fit the criteria of the one we are sending it too. Some jobs we take off and other jobs we delightfully leave on. Some previous bosses we don't even disclose and others we value their opinions. We do all of this to stand out and to make the mistakes in our lives negligent and only broadcast the success we've had.

The best resume is the one with all of your past history and not so good experiences. They have all shaped the person you are today. You have learned a great deal from each one of those situations and the job you are applying for now should and will appreciate them all. The trick is not to continue to send your resume blindly across this global network. It will only cause you to doubt your spotty past and think for a minute that nothing good will come your way. But instead, you have to post your resume on a platform like "Monsterjobs" and allow potential mates to contact you! Someone you least expected has taken a good look at everything you have and everything you offer (flaws and all) and they like what they see. Just be patient enough for them to call!

The Ultimate Merger

The other day I was watching an episode of Donald Trump’s, “The Ultimate Merger”. One of the anticipated men to “win” the heart of the bachelorette, Omarosa, was asked how he would describe a romantic evening following dinner. This mildly confident man fumbles over his words and the only repair for a romantic evening after dinner he concludes is “sex”. Omarosa didn’t even budge at his thought and quickly changed the subject. A couple of things are intrinsically wrong with this picture. The first, he assumes that because he would love to be intimate with her after their first date, he fails to realize she is not even thinking on the same lines as him. Her idea of romantic, following the first date, was certainly not giving in to the likes of intimacy. Although women are visual creatures just like men, the idea of intimacy is not solely based on looks. But a woman will kiss a man for the first time because she thoughtfully hopes that their will be other kisses to follow; while a man will kiss a woman because he doesn’t want to pass the “moment of opportunity” in case there isn’t another. Men and women think differently. The second problem with his response is his lack of creativity. There are many facets and sides to a woman. To be narrow minded and capture all of them in a moment of intimacy is selfish and not genuine. His response should have started with wanting to get to know her more (what she loved, what she hated, what she dreamed for, what things she lost in life, what her ideal relationship looked like, what her favorite class in school was, etc). Intimacy is nothing more than a bonus in any great relationship. The more creative we can be in getting to know one another outside of intimacy will secure and strengthen any anticipated relationship and the future of one.

Barber Shop

I was in the barber shop the other day and one of the new services my Master Barber offers is a free hair wash with the purchase of a cut. He rotates about 3 female assistants to manage the hair washing while he focuses on cutting, talking trash about how the Redskins are going to win the Superbowl, and fighting off every vendor selling everything from BBQ sandwiches to Egyptian cotton bed sheets.

Most of the time I already have my hair washed, so I typically sit and talk trash or parlay on the couch listening to my Ipod until its my turn to sit in the barber chair. One of his assistants, who is new because I don't remember her name, asked me to follow her to get my hair washed. I gently shook my head "no" and exclaimed that I had already washed my hair. As if she failed to hear what I said, she asked me a second time to follow her to get my hair washed - and this time she walked toward the door. Again, I shook my head no and continued to listen to my Ipod. As she stood in the door way, her body language and facial expression screamed that she was upset or even offended that I did not get my hair washed. I took my earphones out of my head and asked, "Did I offend you by not getting my hair washed". She walked back in the room, head down, and said, "No, do what you want to do".

At that moment I realized, like most women, she had to feel needed. It wasn't so much that I had already had my hair washed, but the reality was she was their for a purpose and she wanted to do the best to fulfil that. When a women enters a man's life; innately she wants to know she is needed. And sometimes even if we (as men) feel as if we don't need our women to do things for us - let them! Let our women do for us because it reminds them that we truly do need them.

Book Excerpt - Ch. 2 "5'5 with Brown Eyes"

Ah, singleness. Singles want to marry while too many married people yearn for the so-called glory of their former, single days. It’s amazing how far the term “single” has come. Back in the day, the word “single” was pretty simple and uncomplicated. A term just used for tax-filing purposes. But for new millennium, being single has literally transformed into a many-layered, living and breathing organism. A status symbol. You can be single with kids, single without kids, single due to divorce, single because you are in- between relationships, happily single, single but looking…and the list goes on and on. But before I go any further, I am wondering, which kind of “single” are you? I believe that if you took the time to pick up this book, you are trying to grapple with that very same question. My hope for you is that you will be able to locate your “true” status before you reach the final pages of this book and upon locating your status determine what kind of “single” you really want to be.

Book Excerpt - Ch 1. Dont Send out the Invitations

Fact is, before you meet “the one” there will be plenty of “the almosts” that will precede their arrival. And men, we will probably face this scenario more times than our female counterparts as most metropolitan areas boast a woman- to -man ratio that is something astronomical. What I want you to see is that meeting someone that answers your list of criteria is not necessarily a sign that he or she is “the one” for you. Sometimes, “the one” that is for you may not come for several months—or even years. And if that is how it was meant to be, can you trust that your paths will meet in the due course of time? While it hurts to know that the person we’ve invested so much of our time, love, and commitment in may not be “the one,” it is time that we face that hard truth. The hard truth lies in the reality that you know you should have left him a long time ago, but his nonsense apologies, superficial gifts, and broken promises keep you hanging on a wish that he will change. But change is not anything he can sign up for or take a class for, and then emerge standing tall as the new valedictorian. Change is something that comes as a result of being tired of your stagnant situation and realizing that you deserve more. Stop dropping your bucket in a well that has been dried up.

Trading Places

One fact about men is - we love a woman who can take the initiative. From moments of intimacy to last minute decision making; a woman who can take the initiative is very attractive. For years, it was unheard of for a woman to pick up the restaurant bill, buy gifts for her man when it wasn't Christmas or his birthday, and plan a date (even picking him up). And now we are beginning to see more and more of that. Some women are stuck in the traditional way of thinking and feel as if men are the ones who are to continue to do all of these things, but we as a people evolve. And its nothing wrong with the change that comes with that. It's more important to recognize what your partner wants and is comfortable with.

Some men still love to pay for every bill and work while the woman stays at home (rare these days), but if that is what he wants, if she is with him, than she doesn't mind him doing that. But if you are a man who would like to "share" some of those responsibilities - don't hesitate to share that with the one that you are with. If not, you will find yourself frustrated and she wouldn't even know why. As helpful as it would be, we can not read each other's minds. We are two different creatures and think on two separate wavelengths. Save the charades for game night and share with your partner what you would like on date night!