I find that the perilous notion that there is a shortage of good men is becoming more and more of a myth. While we have adopted this belief through the annals of tradition, I am convinced that good men still exist and are in record numbers. Yes, the % of men that are in jail has increased significantly, but so has the % of men who are graduating college; with not just a BA, but with Masters and PhD. The number of men who are homeowners has almost doubled from 2o years ago. The number of men who are own their own businesses has almost tripled from 20 years ago. So, its not that men are less successful now than men were 20 years ago; in fact men are more successful today. So what is the plight about the shortage of men? Well, the interesting X factor that very few people talk about is the amount of women who are doing it and doing it BIG! I applaud today's business professional woman who is making it on her own and is standing on her two feet. You (as women) have fought hard for this and it has come to fruition.
Now that women are standing on their own two feet and do not need to depend on a man for her financial stability and dependence; the game has changed. What women once looked at as being qualities to define a good man; such as good job, nice car, bank account, nice house now do not seem to be as attractive because today's woman has nicer jobs, bigger homes, and larger bank accounts than a lot of us men. And so the qualities have changed from material to aesthetic and emotional. Ok, I understand he has to be attractive for you, but the emotional part you have to give us some time. Some of those attributes being: a great listener, sensitive, patient, and understanding have not been taught to most men. We didn't grow up learning how to be great listeners, or sensitive, or even patient. And so, will you take the time to teach us? Men have been trained to be providers and now that women are providing for themselves, you must show us how to do the other things you need. Good men still exist; just show us how to be more of the things you desire and have an open mind to allow us to show you what we need as well!
Finally, the first comment I deleted by accident. Ok, so my thoughts...first thank you for sharing this blog with us it is full of insight and definitely makes me think and reflect...this particular post spoke to me though and I HAD to comment.
ReplyDeleteI am not so sure women have changed as much as society has changed. The thought that a woman needed to depend on a man for stability was not necessarily a woman's mindset but what was imposed and instilled on her by a patriarchal society NOT as a result of what she truly wanted or desired. It was life as she knew it and how she was told to know life. These days it is more accepted and encouraged for a women to "do it for herself" which yes, changes the game quite a bit.
I dont think what women define as a good man has changed either (well at least the women you are referring to). Who doesnt want stability? I think wanting stability is very different than wanting material things--a good job, bank account, smart money management--this indicates being able to take care of your business and equals stability (my opinion) a nice car doesnt mean NADA cause you can be driving a Benz but it is about to be repossesed--not stability.
Additionally, women have always wanted and needed emotional support and connection. The difference is women werent supposed to care about this because as long as a man was putting food on the table and a roof over their heads, they were not to complain. He was taking care of home...the emotional stuff was not necessary or tended to last.
Why cant we have it all??
I struggle with the teaching part, I honestly do. I am all for standing by your man and being his partner and growing and learning together BUT in my experience when I have tried to work and be patient with a man who is just not there emotionally and able to listen, not be selfish or sensitive it has ended up with giving and teaching rather than having a relationship and a partnership. For every man who doesnt know and has to learn there is another one that is already ready to give what I need and deserve so we can TRULY be partners.
Good men do exist, I know it, I feel it and Im waiting...in the meantime, if I am not settling in my professional and life achievements, I dont want to come home and settle either. Teaching to me feels motherly and I dont want to mother my man...I want him ready to do work TOGETHER ;)